Are You Afraid To Fail?
Ah, yes. I remember my first year of business well. When my fear of failure threatened to derail me before I’d even begun.
My last day at my corporate job fell on my birthday, and I floated out of that place on a cloud.
I had a big vision of what I wanted my life and career to look like. And I was finally doing it.
I was moving out of NYC, releasing those golden handcuffs, and committing to my life as a career coach, writer, and business owner.
"I'm doing it!" soon gave way to the fear, anxiety, and self-doubt of actually doing it.
I had two competing refrains during that time:
"I just want to know I'll be successful."
"How can I not be successful if I work on this every day for a year?"
Are You Afraid To Fail? Start By Showing Up
There's a concept creatives talk about that applies to the work of changing careers.
The concept is called "showing up."
Every day, you wake up and sit at your writing desk. Every day you stare at that blank canvas. Every day you do something to move the ball on your career change.
You show up.
Some days are more successful than others.
But it's not about the individual day. It's about what those days collectively lead up to.
This is the truest thing I know about starting a business, pursuing an entirely new career path, or simply wanting to feel energized and excited instead of uncertain and depleted.
What matters is that you continue to pursue it.
You'll only fail if you give up.
The Surest Way To Fail Is Refusing To Start
There's a quote from Ira Glass I return to all the time:
“All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit...We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know it’s normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions.”
--Ira Glass
It’s about holding onto that big vision of your life's purpose, of what truly brings you joy and happiness, and steadily working towards it.
Career change is no different. For those of us that know deep down that we have something bigger to bring to the world, that's why it's so draining to stay in a career that doesn't match up.
Trusting that instinct and working towards it is most important thing we can do.
Fear of Failing Big Keeps Us From Succeeding Big
I used to focus on the gap Ira Glass talks about, both in my writing and my career.
I told myself I wasn't ready, I wasn't good enough, I'd lose everything I'd worked so hard for.
And it kept me stuck.
I didn't write and stayed on a career path that didn't fit for almost 20 years.
Most of those years weren't terrible. But it increasingly felt like it was making me into someone I wasn't, a low grade existential angst. For what? Where's all this leading?
It's normal to be afraid to fail, to make the wrong move, of what friends and family will think.
Especially if we've never really failed big. Fear of failure looms over us, and we imagine nothing short of disaster.
I for real thought I was going to end up living under a bridge.
But that was never going to happen. Because with every step comes learning and the opportunity to course correct.
And despite focusing on what can go wrong with each step, what actually happens is that we get better, clearer, more confident, and more committed.
Confidence. Comes. From. Action.
Often the mistakes we fear aren't failures, they're just a different outcome. Something different happened than what we expected. Okay, so now what?
Do you know how many people I've worked with that have stumbled onto opportunities that are even better than what they expected? Thank goodness they "failed" in this way.
Like the woman who initially came to me with a list of contacts including CEOs from the most successful companies in Banking, Energy, and Telecomms...and ended up following a path in Interior Design—because that’s what she truly wanted to do.
Like the Attorney who really wanted to be a Sports Agent but different from all the other Sports Agents...who then became a Sports Agent different from all the other Sports Agents.
Like all of the people who came to me looking for new 9-5 jobs who ended up launching their own businesses.
That's the power of showing up.
When you’re afraid to fail, let the dream be your touchstone.
Hold on to that dream and move steadily towards it.
The Universe May Continue To Ask You Whether This Is What You Truly Want
That first year of business was tough.
My apartment sale fell through on the eve of the closing. Then it fell through three more times.
I wondered if it was a sign that maybe this wasn't the right path for me.
I panicked more than once and not-so-subtly hinted to friends and colleagues that I was also open to consulting work. (Thank goodness no one took me up on it).
But I also kept moving steadily towards my goals. I knew at the very least after a year, I'd be somewhere new and different. And I'd be closer to what I imagined than if I just did nothing.
I hung onto that vision, and I committed to seeing where a year's worth of showing up would get me.
Somewhere underneath all the fear of failure, I knew what was holding me back wasn't my ability but limiting beliefs of what was truly possible for me and what the right steps were to close that gap.
So I hired a coach, the second of five I hired in my first five years as a business owner.
Because I'd rather know that my steps were leading up to career with purpose and meaning instead of continuing to waste time going through it alone, spinning in circles without much progress, spiraling downward mentally.
...
Obvi, since I'm writing this, things turned out better than I expected. I knew I loved coaching, but I'm happily surprised to love the business side of things. Turns out I had a lot of incorrect assumptions about what it meant to be an entrepreneur.
I work less, make a good living, am surrounded by truly inspiring-engaging-positive-caring people, and have plenty of time for creative projects.
And I get to help others do the same.
Are You Afraid To Fail?
"But Caroline, you knew you wanted to be a coach. I have no idea what I want to do."
I actually didn't know at first. I had to show up to get to coaching as an answer.
Even once I figured out I liked coaching people, I had to show up some more: having an interest in coaching and turning that into a sustainable, energizing business are two very different things.
I get that there's fear of failure. I've lived it. If you're currently staring across that career chasm, wondering if you'll succeed and being afraid to fail, consider that gap a sign.
That gap between what you think is possible and where you are means you have taste. You have a vision. You’re seeing something others aren’t (or they’re seeing it but not acting on it). Act on it.
You owe it to yourself to keep showing up.
The only way you won't reach your goals is if you quit.
Whether you're clear on where you want to go or just know you can't keep going through your current day-to-day, let's have a conversation.
We’ll uncover what’s holding you back, get clear on what you want, explore multiple paths to get there, and take concrete steps to make it happen.
Are you afraid to fail? Don’t let your fear of failure stop you before you’ve even begun. Take the first step and send me an email saying, "I'm ready to show up!"
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Author Bio:
Before becoming a coach, Caroline worked in management consulting and financial services. She's made it her mission to help people grow, contribute, and get wherever they want to go.
Caroline wants women to recognize how much power they truly have to define their careers. The life and career you want really is possible once you have the roadmap. Take the first step by downloading her free guide.
She’s also a tennis fanatic, aspiring Minimalist, FIRE (Financial Independence and Retire Early) enthusiast, and Aloha Spirit seeker 🤙. She loves to share stories from her unconventional life and career focused on freedom, creativity, fun, health, family, and community. If she can do it, you can, too.
