Stop Struggling With How To Sell Yourself
Do you feel like you need to sell yourself or convince people to hire you?
You’re not alone.
It’s one of the most common career change challenges that stops people from networking, starting their business, or simply feeling like they can have normal conversations throughout the job search and interview process.
Great news: you don’t have to sell yourself. You don’t have to convince anyone of anything. And you certainly don’t need to promote yourself, whatever that means.
Let’s talk about why selling yourself doesn’t work and what do instead.
Who Needs To Be Convinced: You or Them?
Sometimes, the idea that you need to sell yourself is based in the belief of “I’m not [blank] enough.”
So before we go any further, I invite you to check in:
Do you feel confident in what you have to offer and that the right people will see that?
Or are you questioning the value of what you have to offer?
If it’s the former, read on. If it’s the latter, I highly recommend you do the work to remind yourself of what you bring to the table. (Because I promise you, you bring a lot!)
If you don’t value yourself, how do you expect others to?
You Don’t Have to Sell Yourself
Now let’s talk about why selling yourself feels so bad.
Imagine a bright, shining spotlight.
When you’re in Sales mode, guess where that spotlight is shining? Directly on YOU, leaving the other person in the dark.
If you’ve ever felt sold to, you know what I mean.
There’s no humanity in the exchange. Just the other person, trying to foist something on you that you don’t actually want.
I can feel my guard going up as I write this, stiffening at the approach of someone who has no interest in truly getting to know me or understanding my actual problems.
This is why feeling like you have to sell yourself feels so bad: we don’t want to be That Guy.
Plus, there’s a lot of uncertainty: we don’t know how the other person is going to respond. So we project alllll the ways we’ve been rejected before onto this person—before we’ve even reached out.
So let’s find out what to do instead.
A Simple Formula To Use Instead of Selling Yourself
Remember that spotlight? Well it’s back.
And this time we want to shine it on the other person first.
Let’s understand their biggest pain points and desired outcomes. What do they care about? What keeps them up at night? What’s most important to them?
Once we know what THEY want and need, now our discussion gets to be about “fit.”
So we get to shine the light back on ourselves, but importantly, it’s through the lens of how our skills, experience, and interests FIT with what they’ve shared.
“Oh, it’s so interesting that you mentioned your biggest challenge is [x.] That’s actually a big piece of [my experience, motivation, area I want to work on].”
See how you’re sharing of yourself, but it’s clearly connected to something they want?
You’re not pushing, selling, or convincing; you’re showing them you get it and connecting the dots as to how you might fit into the equation.
So you can imagine that spotlight in the end is kind of dancing in the middle, focused on the intersection of what they want and what you offer.
I call this the “Easy Yes” formula.
Listen Up, Business Owners
I say this with love: You are NOT selling yourself.
It’s not about you or your “brand.”
You are offering to help people solve a problem. That’s it.
The only question you need to concern yourself with is, “Can I truly help this person?”
Entering every conversation honestly asking yourself this question is a superpower.
Sometimes I’ll even say it, “Hmmm, I’m not sure I’m the best person to help you. Let’s talk it through and figure it out together.”
It is SO FREEING.
By focusing on the intersection of what they want and what you offer, you’ll stay in integrity, immediately build trust, and arrive at the best solution TOGETHER.
No selling needed. It’s a conversation to see if there’s obvious alignment.
[The same concept applies to “charging what you’re worth.” Your prices are not about you; they’re about the value you provide to the other person. (In any case, you’re priceless, so if you charged what you’re truly worth, no one could afford you.)] 😉
Instead of Selling Yourself, Focus On Finding Your People
There’s something in here, too, about WHO you focus on.
We’re building relationships, not hawking our wares to random passersby.
Stop wasting time on the people that need to be convinced. They’re not your people.
If you find yourself in a conversation that’s hard work, where the person is ASKING you to prove yourself or justify yourself or some other weird, judge-y power dynamic, it’s time to take your bad self and precious energy elsewhere.
Focus on the people that are wired to find the intersection and help you assess fit. Focus on the people that are trying to solve a problem and are genuinely looking for a solution.
They’re the people that will jump right in, looking for ways to connect the dots between what you need and they need, asking questions, spitballing ideas.
Selling yourself is hard work. When that spotlight is in that beautiful middle, both people are sharing the load and committed to finding opportunities.
Ready to turn your conversations into REAL career opportunities?!
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Author Bio:
Before becoming a coach, Caroline worked in management consulting and financial services. She's made it her mission to help people grow, contribute, and get wherever they want to go.
She’s also a tennis fanatic, aspiring Minimalist, FIRE (Financial Independence and Retire Early) enthusiast, and Aloha Spirit seeker 🤙. She loves to share stories from her unconventional life and career focused on freedom, creativity, fun, health, family, and community. If she can do it, you can, too.
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