The Case Against Gratitude: When Gratitude Becomes Settling
I'm allll about gratitude. But ladies and gentlemen of the jury, today I present to you: The case against gratitude.
Practicing gratitude as a habit has been a game-changer for me.
My clients start every coaching session by celebrating what’s going well.
I encourage people on Valentine's Day to share what they love about their work.
But there's a dark side to gratitude that no one seems to talk about: when gratitude becomes settling.
The Case Against Gratitude
Of course we should recognize our privilege. There are people that don't have access to clean drinking water let alone a hefty paycheck and good benefits.
It's good to be thankful, especially if it's for a job that others would love to have.
The problem arises when that rush of gratitude creates an upper limit of success, happiness, and fulfillment:
"I have so much already. Maybe a good paycheck is enough."
"Maybe it's not realistic to expect my job to make me happy."
"My fallback isn't the worst thing in the world."
"They call it 'work' for a reason."
“I feel guilty for wanting more.”
Denying yourself what you truly want by telling yourself to be thankful for what you have isn't gratitude; it's settling.
It's closing yourself off to the idea that there's something better for you.
And there's likely a story you're telling yourself that it's not okay or "realistic" to want more.
Or that you’re not good enough or deserving of it.
Or that stepping into more for yourself somehow limits what’s available to others.
How much inspired action are you likely to take from that place?
How To Recognize the Difference Between Gratitude and Settling
Gratitude uses your thankfulness as a launching pad for greater abundance and potential.
Settling cuts off that potential. Guilt, unworthiness, scarcity, and rationalization take the lead.
Do you feel the difference in that energy?!
I know because I settled for much of my career. I ignored those inklings that there was something better for years.
I perfected the dance between, "I can't take this anymore" one week to, "It hasn't been so bad lately…" the next.
Real gratitude leads you to create more in your career: More purpose, more fulfillment, and yes, more happiness.
It allows you to be grateful for everything in your life—not just the “good” stuff, but the growth and lessons that come from the stuff that’s less than ideal.
True gratefulness comes through recognizing that there’s value in everything. I can be grateful for the lessons of, say, a global pandemic without putting a happy face on a period of time that was rife with suffering.
So many people confuse gratitude with happiness. It’s not. It’s building on the things that are going well and finding the motivation to improve the things that aren’t.
Nor is it being toxically positive in the face of “negative” emotions: that’s denial.
If you find yourself thinking things like, “I have so much already. I SHOULD be happy,” I invite you to look deeper.
The case against gratitude hinges on the energy behind that gratitude.
When Does Gratitude Become Settling For You?
Where are you ignoring feelings of boredom, self-doubt, stress, fear, anxiety, and frustration?
What are you telling yourself about wanting MORE? What are you assuming you'll have to give up to get it?
When does gratitude become settling for you?
Once you give yourself space to want more, you'll start to see the options you couldn't before.
You'll begin to see how creating more for yourself benefits others.
You'll find ways to make the impact you want without sacrificing the stability and security you need.
Raising the bar for your life will help you step across the threshold—from a job you tolerate to a career you love.
Expand Your Container
So, yes, practice gratitude. Marinate in your thanks for what you already have.
But look for those areas where gratitude becomes settling…where that voice whispers, "Why can't you just stick it out for a few more years?"
You can be really really thankful and know that there’s an even better path for you.
The solution? Getting underneath the thoughts that are driving this limited capacity. And then shifting your mindset to expand your "container."
Is your capacity for abundance, fulfillment, and joy a fishbowl, a football stadium, or an ocean?
Let me know your thoughts on the case against gratitude below.
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Author Bio:
Before becoming a coach, Caroline worked in management consulting and financial services. She's made it her mission to help people grow, contribute, and get wherever they want to go.
She’s also a tennis fanatic, aspiring Minimalist, FIRE (Financial Independence and Retire Early) enthusiast, and Aloha Spirit seeker 🤙. She loves to share stories from her unconventional life and career focused on freedom, creativity, fun, health, family, and community. If she can do it, you can, too.
The life and career you want is possible once you have the roadmap. Take the first step by downloading your free guide: 4 Steps To Take Back Your Life and Design a Career with Purpose.
