Figuring Out What To Say Yes (Or No) To
I love when clients say no to opportunities.
This might sound like a weird thing for a career coach to say, but hear me out.
A client recently went on a string of interviews. He said the role itself was "perfect." But during the interviews, they told him they wanted someone with "sharp elbows."
Sharp elbows? Yikes. 😬 He told me he's pretty sure that place would have made him unhappy.
I always celebrate amazing awareness like this. Especially because it's easy to dismiss. Too often, we override our first instinct and succumb to the "what ifs" or "maybe I shoulds" or "am I being too ____?"
Saying no is so hard. Especially when an opportunity is soooo close to being a yes.
But saying no is powerful.
Because when you turn down the almost-there-but-not-quite-right opportunities, you leave the door open for the exactly right ones.
It shows:
A belief that what you want is truly possible
The confidence that you're zeroing in on it
The commitment to not settle for less until you get to yes
These are powerful shifts that go far beyond career change.
But how, Caroline, HOW????
It starts with clarity, of course: getting super sharp on what you really want. That’s the THINKING part. (I’ll be honest, most people don’t have that clarity, so it’s a critical first step).
But what seals the deal is paying attention to your FEELINGS when those almost-there-but-not-quite-right opportunities present themselves.
Your thoughts are unreliable because your amygdala is calling the shots.
Your feelings—and your body—are going to keep you honest about sticking to what you said you wanted.
The clues are always there. We're just so used to explaining them away with our “rational” brains.
It's that catch in your throat when you're asked how you feel about working in an “intense” work environment...
It's that pit in your stomach when you hear the dress code...
It's that thing the hiring manager says about being detail-oriented that just doesn't sit right with you even though you can't figure out why...
It's these seemingly insignificant details, off-hand comments, or that-seems-like-an-odd-thing-to-say vibes that really are a big deal--because they clash with a deeply-held belief or because our intuition is shouting at us for reasons our brains can't quite understand yet.
Listen.
Then visualize. Project yourself forward into that “perfect” role with the sharp elbows. See yourself being completely successful. How does it feel to be that person? How would you feel preparing your sharp elbows when you wake up? How would you feel after a day of sharp elbows?
When I picture myself in that environment, my shoulders hunch, my head sinks, and I instinctively pull in my gut. I feel like I'm bracing for a fight. I have finely-sharpened elbows!
My brain tries to convince me I could be "successful" there, but my body knows I'd be miserable. Feel the difference???
Practice listening to your body by visualizing things you clearly love...(co-workers you respect, mentors you can learn from, dark chocolate!)
...and loathe (micromanagers, not feeling safe expressing your opinions, white chocolate!) #WhiteChocolateIsntActuallyChocolate #ChocolateFraud
Pick the elements that matter for you and stay playful.
As the opportunities coming rolling in, how do they make you feel? Where in your body do you feel sensation? Does your body contract or expand? Do you feel energized or depleted? Do you feel drawn toward it, or feel the urge to push it away?
Don't overthink it. Feel it.
This practice is about embracing the “no.” When you embrace the no, you train yourself to say yes to so much more—more happiness, fulfillment, creativity. It’s an upward spiral of opportunity, expansion, and abundance.
There's a LOT more I can say on this topic, and a lot more I can support you with once I know more about your specific situation.
If you're ready to figure out what to say yes or no to, let's talk about it in real terms.
When you're ready, apply for a complimentary strategy session.
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Author Bio:
Before becoming a coach, Caroline worked in management consulting and financial services. She's made it her mission to help people grow, contribute, and get wherever they want to go.
She’s also a tennis fanatic, aspiring Minimalist, FIRE (Financial Independence and Retire Early) enthusiast, and Aloha Spirit seeker 🤙. She loves to share stories from her unconventional life and career focused on freedom, creativity, fun, health, family, and community. If she can do it, you can, too.
The life and career you want really is possible once you have the roadmap. Take the first step by downloading her free guide: 4 steps to take back your life and design a career with purpose.